Thoughts: On Saturday, we went to the Columbia County Fair with Angelyn. Normally I would have been really excited about going to the fair, but this time, all I could think about was how I couldn’t eat the greasy food – partly because of the fitness challenge that my company is doing, and partly because I am trying to eat really well. Also, I started to think about all the fair rides. Typically, I’d be the one to ride ALL the rides, no problem. Well this time, given the new circumstances, I found myself thinking twice before boarding any ride. The first ride we road looked absolutely harmless – the Tilt-a-Whirl. I knew I could handle that one, so Jason, Angelyn, and me boarded the ride. But once it got started, the little kid ride actually spun around really fast! I knew I could handle it, but I was wondering about the little baby inside of me. Could they handle it? After that, I started getting worried and wondering if I had made a mistake. The next ride was the giant swings. I knew that one would be calm, so I got in my swing without a second thought. Once we were flying high in the sky, with the beautiful sunset off in the distance, I was suddenly filled with more doubts and worries like “How safe is this thing?” “What is holding me up anyways?” – this is very uncharacteristic of me – given that I am normally pretty fearless on rides, roller-coasters, etc. I sat out the third ride as anxious thoughts went through my brain. I am starting to realize that I really need to trust the Lord with this pregnancy and leave everything in his hands. i can’t eat perfectly, live perfectly, etc. in order to have a healthy child – I just have to trust Him that everything will go according to His master plan.
Another thought I have had is, “Am I still pregnant?” – I know this one seems funny, but I haven’t had it doctor verified yet. So far it has only been verified through 2 Dollar Store tests- lol, and a period that is now a whopping 2 weeks late! I actually almost stopped at the store again to pick up another test today, but realized that my temptation to worry was again taking over and that I needed to place this one also in God’s hands. Honestly, everything does seem very surreal still – not as surreal as the first day or second day, but still very surreal. I think this is partly due to the fact that I haven’t told a soul at work, and that is where I spend most of my time. I’m pretty determined to not spill the beans there until the first trimester is complete, on Jan 1st, 2012!
Feelings: Up until this weekend, I felt 100% my normal self. Full of energy, etc. On Friday night we went to Secret Church from 7pm-1am (actually it didn’t end until more like 2am!). I have attended Secret Church before no problem, but this time, I was absolutely freezing the whole time since they had it in the gym, and also extremely tired. I could have slept through a good two hours of the program since I had been up early and worked all week, or maybe it is some first trimester sleepiness kicking in. On Saturday, I felt completely fine, but on Sunday morning, on the first day of my sixth week, I did feel a little weird. It is hard to put my finger on it, but I felt a little sleepy, a little weak, a little sick, all rolled into one. That lasted from the time I woke up, until around 10:00 after I had had some orange juice and a muffin in Sunday School class. Today at work, I felt the same way. Also, I think I will stop drinking my daily Fresca or Diet Coke, because every time I drink one, it feels like I have drunk like 5 of them and I can’t stop burping! I know- gross!
I think I had my first real pregnancy craving on Sunday when I really wanted some Zaxby’s fried food. I can’t remember the last time I had Zaxby’s chicken strips, Texas toast, and french fries – I almost always opt for their Black & Blue Salad. But this time all I wanted the Zak Snack…
Again, I think the main update is that I REALLY can’t believe that this is happening! It did become a little more real when we told our parents and siblings, but it still feels more like a dream than reality. I guess it will either take me physically changing – which hasn’t happened yet- for me to believe it, or maybe an ultra-sound would help. That’s next up on my list, choosing a doctor and setting my first appointment!
Until Next Time,
Laura
